we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
