Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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