Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
