Where is the hickey?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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