Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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