I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
