I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
