So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Someone came in the potted fern
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
