i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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