dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
