those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
