She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
