even my farts smell like vagina
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
