Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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