Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
