oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
