I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
