What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
