I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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