I'm laying in your front yard are you home
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
