Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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