and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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