Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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