a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Terrible idea I love it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
