the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
