I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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