why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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