all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
