she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
