Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
