So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
