I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
