I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
