dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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