I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
