thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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