I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
