hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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