Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
