please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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