I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
