even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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