He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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