she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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