i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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