I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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