Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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