yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
