So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
