you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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