Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wish my penis had a tongue
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
