How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
