good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
