This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
