I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
