whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
