I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
