Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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